Forgotten Memories
by dynamicpearl
Summary: After Roxas ceases to exist, Axel is left alone.
1. Chapter 1

I wasn't always alone.

While Sora was asleep, I had Xion. Then Xion didn't exist anymore. I still had Roxas, though.

Roxas doesn't exist anymore.

Months passed. 76 days. I counted. 76 days since Xemnas said bring Roxas home, or destroy him for good. Roxas got away. And then Roxas died.

Died. Became a part of Sora. Whatever, same thing. The point is, he isn't here. And most days, I feel like I'm not here either.

I wrecked Roxas's room. Destroyed it. Burned it. Don't care. I ripped up his bed and toppled his nightstand and smashed his window. Got in a bit of trouble.

He loved Xion. Loved her so hard it made me hurt.

I don't care anymore. I don't care about them. Nobodies don't care. Don't care.

Don't want them to see me. They won't understand. Demyx, he laughed it off. Larxene grinned. Some pretended to mourn for a moment. I don't mourn. I don't care.

Saix was the only one with no reaction. He went on with work as usual. Lucky bastard.

Don't want them to see me like this. Curled up on the floor of Roxas's room. Surrounded by charred seashells. Tears. Nobodies don't cry. The salt on my cheeks must be something else. Don't care. Don't.

I hang my head, my fingers tangling in my hair and pulling. It hurts. Good. My screams aren't human. They haven't been human for 76 days. 

"Axel."

The screams stop. "Saix."

"Get up."

"Why?"

"We have work to do."

"No."

Saix growls. He's the only person I know with the ability to growl. "Are you going to sit in here feeling nothing but pity for yourself for another two months?"

I stare down at the ground. Saix doesn't understand. Doesn't care. I don't care. I speak.

"Two and a half months."


	2. Chapter 2

I smirk up at the man in the doorway. "What's the matter, scarface? I thought you wanted me back to normal."

"I _want_ you to behave like a civilized person."

"But Saix, we're not people." My voice deadens a little as I speak the words. Don't care. "We're Nobodies."

"The principal is the same." He growls. "You're acting like a child."

I shrug. Child, infant, idiot. The words that Saix likes to call me the most. I don't care.

"Now get up." He grabs me by the arm and hauls me to my feet. "I won't have you laying around while there's work to do."

No answer. He's got rough hands. Sweet.

Saix hauls me to the door, throwing me through the portal without even giving me a chance to prepare. As I tumble through the suffocating darkness, I feel a hand on my wrist. My feet hit the ground an I emerge into a forest. I sigh, leaning against a tree. Boring. "I was hoping for someplace more exciting."

"Don't complain, just gather information."

So I do. This is something I can lose myself in - working, moving, forcing myself to go further and further in order to forget about -

The thought of the name brings me to a hault and tears open a fault line in my chest. No big deal. Don't really care.

I keep searching, gathering little about the forest I find myself in. It's just a forest, filled with animals. How disappointing.

Me and Saix return to the castle after only a little while. Even he decided that there wasn't much to see here. Just a stupid forest. 

As soon as we step foot onto the gray tile, Vexen is there. Asking how things went. Asking questions about the new world. I tell him to stuff it up his ass. And I resume my place.

In the corner. Roxas's room. The seashells I burned. You see, nothing ever really changes.

The day finishes. Night falls. When it does, I burn another tally mark in the wall.


	3. Chapter 3

The nightmares, they come more often now. Dreams of Xion. Of Roxas.

Most of the time, they're identical. Xion disappears. I find her. I kill her. Not much of a story. I don't care.

Sometimes, it's Roxas that kills her. Sometimes, it's Xion that kill me. Sometimes, Xemnas kills us all.

Not that you can kill a Nobody. We can cease to exist, but we cannot die in the human sense. Whatever. Same thing.

It's these nightmares that grip me tonight. The parts of her. Her toes. Her teeth. Seeing him. Leaving. He couldn't hear me say how much I'd miss him. _I love you._

Nobodies can't love.

A chill rocks through my body and my eyes flash open. The first thing I'm aware of is that I'm not in my corner. I sit up, looking around frantically. I can't be here. I have to get back. In case Roxas comes back. I have to be there for when he comes back.

Saix speaks from the corner. "You've been asleep for days, I hope you know."

I blink. "What?"

"Days. Slept like a rock. I brought you in here so we could keep an eye on you and make you wouldn't die."

I slump back in the bed, blinking up at the ceiling. It's quiet.

"Nobodies can't die." 


End file.
